I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
