Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize