I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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