I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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