Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
