I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
