I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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