she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He passed out mid-signature
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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