I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
