Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up under a house in Key West
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