Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
