I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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