i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize