I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
