im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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