Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
