she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
