Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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