I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
