After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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