If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
