I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize