Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
