Your tits are I can't wait for
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
