I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
