I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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