I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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