Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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