We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize