So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize