Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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