We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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