Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
