No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are the jesus of drinking
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
