i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dick has a subreddit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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