census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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