Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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