Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
