In the future we'll all be gay
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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