Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
