put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
