So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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