every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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