I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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