i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
