Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
