So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
