i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
