My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
