Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
