Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
