A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
