508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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