I'm really into asian looking animals
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
