OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
