i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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