I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
