I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
