i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize