I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
