She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
