I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
