i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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