I just gift wrapped bread.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
