So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize