I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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