A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
