You can't special order awesome
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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