My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
