Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
