Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
