I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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