you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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