i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
