1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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