Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
