im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
