Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
