this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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