I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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