I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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