Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize