I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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