these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
