Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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