Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
