Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
