true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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