Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
