When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize