Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
