It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
