I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
