R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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