her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
