I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
