I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize