oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We have started to decorate penises.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
