He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
