cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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