You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
