hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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