What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
