Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
