So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize