two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
