Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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