I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
NoShamevember. You game?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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