nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
